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Concerns Raised Over Aggressive Cow Herd in University Tunnels

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While many students are safely asleep in their vinyl coated dorm beds, a darker presence lurks below. A well-conceived campus experiment has turned Ames, Iowa into a Midwestern Transylvania. With the growing stress on farmland Iowa State Professor of Agriculture Advancement has spearheaded a program to graze cows underground. Utilizing the steam tunnels under the University, Professor Steve Dennison has released and subsequently loss 36 full grown cows in said tunnels. Quoted as saying, “Oh no, this is bad,” Professor Dennison has seen signs of these cows developing vampire-like qualities. The cows have noticeably made efforts to avoid the Forestry College, probably due to these students’ affinity toward wooden stakes. Local delinquent, Johnny Spitz, has reported to campus officials that on a routine vandalism trip through the tunnels he encountered half ton cattle hanging from the ceiling in gothic robes audibly mooing, “I want to suck your cud.” Noticeably shaken, Mr. Spitz was mostly in awe at the cows’ attention to detail on their robes.

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Concerns Raised Over Aggressive Cow Herd in University Tunnels