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Biker Playing Absolute Bop Goes By Too Fast

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Earlier this evening, earwitness reports state that a biker played some “good ass tunes” by Carver hall – but left the scene too fast for anyone to catch what song it was. When asked to describe the situation, junior Hannah Mason recalled the following “Oh, of course, I saw [the biker]. He was wearing blue Converse shoes, white jacket, playing the song through a JBL Flip 4 Bluetooth speaker.” Mason continues, “right! The song! Um… It was like… uh uh bm tss shka shka’ and then he was gone. It was something my roommate would play. I think it was by Ed Sheeran?” Guessed Mason incorrectly. Neither Google, Youtube, nor Spotify yielded useful results.

“Oh shit, how could I forget that dude!” Ryan Martinez told Real News. “That dude with the slapping beat! Definitely hands down either it was by early Katy Perry or ACDC, he was going by way too fucking fast.” Martinez makes a whooshing noise and karate chops the air horizontally – representing the swift cyclist. “He had a Calvin Klein knit beanie sold at PacSun for like $30, a bomber jacket, and blue Converse shoes.” Investigators checked the student directory and a 2002 Yellow Pages for students matching the description, to no avail.

The next logical step was spending time investigating the road for tire tracks or a notecard with the name, artist, and album. Investigators did say the time spent looking for clues was far more helpful than asking pedestrians. As if to demonstrate, another student who claimed to also experience the sweet tunes stated  “They just flew by like a bat out of hell. Bose Soundlink Revolve+, dark gray blazer with the shoulder pads and a two-button design, and some blue Converse shoes. The song was… God, I know this one. Kinda had like a cymbal in there and maybe something that talked about love? Okay, I’m sorry, if I had like the song in front of me with like the lyrics, I could tell you the name.”

Investigators encourage students to stay vigilant in the face of often momentary experiences which may become important in the future. There may come a time where remembering is difficult and you will regret not paying attention to that one damn good song they were playing that would be a perfect addition to a party playlist. If you see anyone with 3 layers of jackets zooming around campus with some certified jams contact SitySauce at

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Biker Playing Absolute Bop Goes By Too Fast